The secret to a happy marriage : Pareto Efficiency

TL;DR: If it makes you happy, and does not make your spouse less happy, do it! If it makes your spouse happy and it is no skin off your back, do it!

Back in 2011, I was in a Kroger parking lot and heard a Marketplace interview that changed my life. Applying one little idea made me healthier and happier in my marriage. The concept is Pareto Efficiency: allocate resources to optimize happiness. In practice, it means doing what you love and letting your spouse do what they love. For me it meant running. Before that parking lot moment I felt guilty stealing time from my family to go run. After, I realized they did not care and much preferred the happy me. 

The other key to joy is letting things slide when they really don't effect me.  After 19 years of marital bliss I still have to work very hard at letting my husband have his space.

Now flash forward to 2016.  @botchagalupe posted a link to a Velocity Talk by @littleidea . It has nothing to do with marriage and it is a great talk. You should watch. Andrew Shafer's insight at minute 16 is the problem in our business culture is "Pareto Inefficient Nash Equilibrium". Yes the talk is that good! And it gave me back the Pareto Efficiency.

And just because I am I can't stop listening to Mary Lambert lately: "She Keeps Me Warm"  ... a very romantic song